Wait....what just happened

So here you are, just standing there, and then next thing you know you hear screams. You look around but can't see why or where anyone is screaming. Next thing you know you literally get stabbed in the back, a robber takes your wallet and anything else on you, and runs away. You are bleeding profusely from your back, and you cannot get it to stop bleeding (because let's face it...the back is a pretty hard place to reach yourself). And like mentioned before, there is no one around. No one to see your pain and to help you. No one to cover that gaping hole in your back to stop the bleeding. You try and run to find help; you try and stop the bleeding yourself, but you can't do it. It's just to hard. You have been looking for someone to help you and heal you for what seems to be forever, and you can't find anyone. Then right before you pass out, you realize that He has been there the whole time, but you were just to blinded by your own ways to realize it.

Sometimes in life, these type of situations approach you, check that, run at you, and they are too hard to control or to prevent. There are things that a person just should not go through alone. Then there are those things that a person can't go through alone. What do you do when life throws you the craziest knuckleball there is? What do you do if you are one strike away from losing everything you have ever had or dreamed of? Of course, anyone would say "knock that ball out of the park" right? Well easier said than done. A person can try and try and try, but after so many attempts and failures, it just isn't worth trying anymore. I try so hard and try so little at the same time; it is as if I am not even doing anything besides taking up space in the world. There is one thought that will always put a smile on my face, but that same thought will make me tear up every time knowing my not-to-distant future.

I do not believe there is a such thing as a hopeless cause, but I do believe that I am just as close as I can get. I do believe in the Almighty God, the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent King of kings and Lord of lords. However, after situations in life, it is hard to do that. Blame must not be placed on God, but only on yourself. I once thought that God had faded away, but it was me who was fading away the whole time. Church was a regular thing for me. Every time I got a chance I went to church. That sometimes was every day of the week. Well, time went by, mistakes were made, and those church days have long gone. I tell myself every Saturday night that I will attend church the next day, but I always think of an excuse Sunday morning. I know just attending church and good works cannot save a person, thank God, because if that was true I would be destined to hell. There is much more to that, but because God gave man free will, a person must be willing to go to church, and be willing to want to learn more about God. You know, you figure after knowing that God gave His only begotten Son to DIE for me, that that would make me want to worship Him every single day of my life. However, something always "comes up". These excuses that I pull out of the air are just furthering me away from God. Do I want this to happen? Goodness no! But am I willing to put forth the effort to make it stop? That would be yet another "no".

Sometimes in life (and apparently a lot in my life), people make mistakes. Most mistakes are bad, but there are a few "mistakes" that shine through those clouds like never before. However, I would not call those "mistakes", I would call those undercover blessings from God. What hurts the most is seeing those affected around me from my mistakes. Why do people around me have to suffer for something that I have done? Why does life work that way? Life should not be "attached" to the surrounded emotions of others around me. The mistakes I made should not be reflected onto others as if it is a part of them to. I know I am loved and that I love many others. I love them to not want to let them know of the pain and the agony of my torturing circumstance. To tell others to help me, to tell others of the stab wound in my back, would mean that I would have to tell them I need help. It would mean that I would have eyes on me, not just feeling sorry for me, but looking down on me as well. And adding that salt to my stab wound is just too much for me to handle. There will be those who show their disappointment fervently and there will be those who simply avoid me.

Forrest Gump's mom said it well when she said "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." You have those select chocolates in that box that are just so good you want to keep eating....but then there is always that one that ruins the whole box. That one that makes you want to throw the whole box away. No one said life is going to be easy. Life is tough, and I never expected it to be easy. In everyone's life there are ups and downs and ups and downs. But a lot of the time, there is that moment where no "down" moment can compare to, and no "up" moment can make everything better. This certain moment is the kind of moment that stab in the back, the pulsing chest pain that will never go away. The kind of pain that makes you realize your ribs are serving no purpose protecting something that is broken anyway.

There is something that no one likes to ask for, something that many people cannot live without, something that makes people feel better, and something that pushes people away. There is no denying that everyone needs it at some point in his/her life in any, and sometimes every, situation.



Simply put. Help.