just pointing out

I am just going to point out that you really need to read one of Brynn's quotes. It is awesome. The fourth "favorite quote" on her facebook page: "i hate comittment but i love pretending like i might follow through."  This all just one big game or joke to her. 

the nerve

The nerve she has to bring her drinking buddy, Robbie, to help her move. "Ok Jeremy, meet Robbie, ya know, this is the guy a drink with every night when I go out and leave you and Mady." The extremely minute amount of trust I have had in her is gone. There is no trust. There is no love (even though for her there probably never was any). Why is it that I made every possible sacrifice, and I am the one getting hurt? I just don't get it.

well

Last night was hard. Last night was the last night we will be together. It was really hard on me. It is hard just to write this. There will be no more nights, or days for that matter, together with my first and only love........

I just wish...

I just wish she would grow up. It is July 14th, and she is out at the club again. It is ladies night there. She first tried to tell me that there wouldn't be guys there, but I am not dumb. I know that ladies get in free on ladies night. Guys can still get in. I hate how she dresses. She dresses like a lost little teenage girl. She had a mini-skirt/blouse/dress, or whatever it is called. Too "mini" for my taste. At least too "mini" for other people to see her. I hate knowing what she is doing, where she is going, what she is wearing, etc. I hate it, but she was/is my wife. How come she is the one leaving, and the one who gave up everything to try and make his family happy, and safe, and everything is the only one feeling the hurt. She has NO idea what this is like. She is the one doing the leaving, NOT me. Imagine if she actually loved me. She said she did, but after hearing her say that she NEVER thought we should be together, I don't really believe it. Imagine if she was in so much love with me, and then one day I tell her that I am going to leave. She asks "why?", and i would say, because i care more about myself. I love my baby girl, but sometimes, i just hate being the mature one because the mature and responsible one is always the one who gets hurt.

welp...

she's going out again tonight. i don't get it. why won't she just grow up?? why does she continue to live a single life, when she is not single, and has responsibility. she has gone out every night this week so far, and probably some of last week too. i lose count. i just don't get it. i can't say i won't stay, because i will, and even if i didn't watch mady, she would get some random person to come watch her. whatevs

i can't

i can't do this for much more. i don't deserve this. i gave up everything and what does she do? she leaves and drinks with some guys. i gave up EVERYTHING. i hate hurting like this.

July 8th

She was gone all evening. Went out to eat with friends and Mady. she comes home with alcohol, and takes leaves again, taking the alcohol with her. she is supposedly going to a bar, but who takes alcohol to a bar? going out with one of her girlfriends and some guy. typical





oh, and by going out with one of her girlfriends, she meant one of her girlfriends is going to drop her off to hang and drink with guys....


i hate knowing this stuff, but i am always curious. Curious if she is cheating, curious about everything. i can't help it. i loved her, and am having a hard time letting go. and only to come and find out she never thought we belonged together ever.our whole relationship....was a sham

Let it all out

"Let It All Out"

Let it all out
Get it all out
Rip it out remove it
Don't be alarmed
When the wound begins to bleed

Cause we're so scared to find out
What this life's all about
So scared we're going to lose it
Not knowing all along
That's exactly what we need

And today I will trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
Oh, inconsistent me
Crying out for consistency

[Chorus:]
And you said I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember
The end will justify the pain it took to get us there

And I'll let it be known
At times I have shown
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me
There is strength

And you promise me
That you believe
In time I will defeat this
Cause somewhere in me
There is strength

And today I will trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget
That that man isn't me

[Chorus x2]

Reach out to me
Make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for you
For you

And I know you know
You touched my life
When you touched my heavy heart and made it light 




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rUtyfB6gVU

seriousnsess

Seriousness. It doesn't exist to her. Everything serious I say to her, she just responds with a laugh and a "LOL". Why do I continue to let her stay here? Why don't I kick her out. She deserves worse than that, much worse. Why can't she accept the fact that she has responsibility of being a parent, and stop being self-centered? ERG GROW UP!

just sayin

She is like a single...married person. She is married, but lives the single life. I am not dissin the single life. However, I am dissing people who have, or should have, a more responsible adult life, but still live the single life. Just grow up already and accept that you aren't single and "free" anymore.


She went out Sunday night (July 3rd), and I think she took alcohol with her, but not sure. She went to a friend's house and stayed there all night with other friends. So here is my perspective....she was drinking all night. She was drinking all night with some girlfriends. She was drinking all night with guys too. Gee, kinda makes ya wonder. Again, She went out tonight (July 6th). It is her birthday tomorrow, but yet again she goes out enough. She left with practically a whole bottle of wine. I tell her I do not want alcohol in my fridge, but my opinion doesn't matter. It never does. Oh yeah, and she is with guys too, not just girls. These "church people" are just posers. I am not saying I am an ongoing church member, i am not saying i am better, but at least I don't pretend to be someone I am not. At least I am not one person at church, and go drinking and partying as soon as church is over. This immaturity is a huge pet peeve of mine and I have had about enough of it.

One of us has to be responsible. I would say i'm sorry...but I am not. I am NOT sorry I choose to be the responsible parent. I am NOT sorry I don't go out every night and drink all night. I am NOT sorry I put my child before me. I am NOT sorry I quit school and got a job I am not too fond of for my daughter. I am NOT sorry that I am who I am. I am NOT sorry I did everything I could to provide for my family. I am NOT sorry that we do not have anything in common. If we were the same person, mady would be completely and utterly neglected. So you have fun drinking and partying, but you will regret it when it comes down to signing those divorce papers.

i am just so annoyed

Well, she is out being her wild "i have no responsibility" self again. She has been gone since like 6pm or so. She came home to get contacts stuff or glasses or something, and then she left again. Where is she? I don't know. She says she is with some friends...girls and guys....gets to my friggin nerves. Especially because she said she might not be back because she is drinking. Gee that makes me feel so good now. I shouldn't care, but I do. Our so called "relationship" is over. I don't think it ever started. I should have left as soon as she got home for that split second. That would have made her stay here because of Mady. She is always running out. I am treated exactly like a babysitter to her. That is the only reason of my existence to her....i am just so annoyed right now.

i have had enough

So she expects me to treat her like a goddess or a queen. I think I do enough when I watch mady while she goes and parties. Or perhaps when I clean up after her all the time. Or maybe I do enough when I give her time to get ready to leave me. Or maybe I do enough when I try and help her get a job, or drive my vehicles. Yeah, I totally don't do anything. I work 2 full-time jobs while in college. I quit college when I am a senior. I get a job I hate so that we can live. No, that isn't enough. So she says I am always an a**hole, when really she overreacts about everything. I am doing homework, she wants me to change a diaper and I say I can't. She doesn't want to do it because she does not want to mess up her precious nails. So then she starts yelling at me saying i have always been an a**hole. I am not going to lie, I am sometimes an a**hole to her now, but I have my reasons. Why in the world would I be so nice and kind to her. We are getting divorced. She used me. She says she never wanted to be with me or be married to me....and she says this three years into marriage....wow. I friggin gave up EVERYTHING so that she could be happy....EVERYTHING. I am sick of her taking advantage of me, I am sick or her not appreciating everything I do, I am sick of her complaining about the SMALLEST THINGS IN THE WORLD. Every time she is mad at something else besides me, she always finds a way to blame it on me. I am just sick of all of this. I cannot wait for her to get out. She said in the past she wants us to stay friends for Mady, but I don't think I can do that. She is a huge *insert bad word here*. I do not want anything to do with her. This may sound stuck up, and I am sorry if it does, but she doesn't deserve me. I deserve someone better than this. I cannot put up with anymore of this. I am sick of being yelled at. I am sick of being treated like crap. I am sick of all this. I am cutting her out, putting all this in the shredder, and burning it. No more. No friggin more.