music is awesome

I LOVE music! Music can either calm me down, or break me down. Both kinda good. If I am going through a hard time, not only do I turn to God, but I turn to music. Now, I am not saying that music is a god to me. I am just saying it helps so much. I say it can break me down because sometimes I am just at the brink. That edge where I jump off the cliff into Jesus's arms or fall onto the jagged rocks of life. It is not a bad breakdown, it is just....a release of all my stress I have. I know I sound kind of pathetic, but I have always had a passion for music. Ever since I was a little kid, I loved to sing and play piano and make an effort at the guitar. I wish I had my piano. I would be playing that non-stop all day every day. Ok, so I would stop, but I think you get the point. Oh you have no idea how much I miss playing piano for the youth group and in church. I would give just about anything if I could get back into that. It can be all types of music. Mostly it is the Christian music that I love, but even classical music I love too. I LOVE the feeling when I am listening or playing music on piano (playing rarely happens) and I just close my eyes while listening or playing, and I get chills throughout my whole body. This may sound weird, but I think it is God moving in me. I know that probably sounds ridiculous. But I think it is a reminder from God saying that He is still here with me.

Music is just...amazing

oh i am such a horrible person (sarcasm)

Ok, so this child, Brynn I mean, is so immature. So she gets a second job and needs to work on her Sunday with Mady. Brynn says she will pick Mady up at 6 pm and I am perfectly fine with it. The more I see of Mady, the better. Well, before she is supposed to pick up Mady, she asks if I can just have her this weekend, and switch with her next weekend. I said I could do that. Next thing i know she stops to pick up Mady; i was confused and said i thought we switched. She was under the assumption I said that she can pick up mady tonight AND have Mady on my sunday next weekend. I disagreed and said if she picks mady up tonight, she can't have mady next weekend; and if she didn't pick her up tonight, then she can have her next weekend. She became furious and asked why I can't be flexible. Can you imagine that? The person who puts her 2 jobs before her daughter saying I am not too flexible. I have plenty of overtime offers at work, but I do not choose to work because I want to be with my daughter. She then gets mad at me and says that I am so argumentative and calls me dumb and an a**hole. Oh, and might I say, she says this all in front of Mady. And she flicks me off on the way out. Like really? How immature can a person be? This is ridiculous. She is trying to place ALLLLLL the blame on me for her crappy work schedule. I told her she should have said UP FRONT when she went to get interviewed what hours she could work. But whatever. I am starting to get so upset and impatient with her. When is she going to grow up!? Like really, how hard is it to grow up and accept all her PARENTAL responsibility. Oh yay, she is independent and can have a couple jobs....but what about Mady. It is nice you are supposedly doing this for Mady, but I would never get a job, or 2 jobs, where I would give up the little time i already have with my daughter. But whatever, it is her loss. I love my little girl, and will go through any kind of pain and suffering for my daughter. She is my everything. I just wish her mommy could be more of a mommy.