mended wound

Have you ever like hurt yourself really bad in a specific spot on your body, gotten it fixed, and then you hurt yourself there again in the same spot? I know my question is very extensive and improper, but I think you get the point. A few years ago, I dislocated one of my shoulders, and the next day popped it back in. A month after that (even though it was not fully healed) I was trying to push a car on some ice, and i slipped and fell on it again. That hurt. Well these "re-wounds" have come back in a more emotional, non-physical way.

I wonder how much of this I can "put up with" before I explode. Knowing that this re-wound (pronounced re-wooned) may haunt me or come back at any given time in my life unless I do something about it. But I care way too much for this wound/injury that I keep mending it back together, only for it to be wounded again. When will this stop? Will I have to stop it? It is too hard of a choice for me to make. Is it selfish for me to not care about it anymore? Is it selfish for me to just cover it up, or just "put a band-aid on it", and be back on my normal path?

Many times I question myself and other things as well. What if.................
I have so many issues in my life. Lack of trust being one thing, but do I have a good reason for that? Of course it depends on whose eyes are looking at the situation. In my opinion, knowing the fact this IS my blog, of course I have a good reason. Let's just say, many years ago my body..."attacked itself" and I had "cancer" figuratively speaking of course. I could be healed from that cancer, but am too scared to go off the meds.

I know all of this probably sounds so confusing, but that is what my life consists of right now. Just "clear confusion." It is the only thing I see. It is the thing I base my decisions from because it has been there for sometime. Should I just keep putting the band-aid over this wound and try to forget about it like I have been doing lately? Or do I become selfish, pray that the accidental blessing will be alright, and try to go on without that wound altogether....as if i was to amputate it off.

Life isn't easy, and I never expected it to be. But I also never expected it to be this hard either.....