So i am hurting so much tonight. We had a conversation. She says she felt ignored years ago. Regardless if she is telling the truth or not, I believe her...and I just wish I knew. I wish she told me she felt ignored. I wish I didn't let all the sacrifices I made get in the way of what was really important. I am not saying all of this is my fault, but I will say that I didn't help it much. I doubt we would have had a relationship if she did talk to me those years back tho. She still says she never wanted a relationship. She still says she loves me but just because you love someone doesn't mean you belong with them. She still says she never wanted or wants to be in a relationship.
On a different note, kinda...I feel so bad for her. Her family "hates" her. I don't mean like full out hate, but they like me more than her. That is kind of understandable because of what she is doing. However, they show no love towards her. No love whatsoever. I couldn't imagine my family turning on me or not even loving me even if I did make a bad mistake. I have no respect for her parents. The other day, Brynn's mom was on the phone with mady and told mady to do whatever she wanted in life because she would end up rebelling against her mommy like mommy did to her parents. Now, I know this might sound harsh, but I literally want to buy a plane ticket to where they live and beat the living daylights out of them. How DARE they say that to our child. Regardless of all that is happening between me and brynn, how DARE they try and drag Mady into this. The friggin nerve. If it was solely up to me, they would never see mady again; and they will never see her again...not on my watch. Brynn's parents are control freaks. They think they are right about everything. They think they are doing the right thing by calling Brynn up and yelling at her constantly. She knows what she did.....now just stop. Same thing happened when they found out Brynn was pregnant. They called her and me up and yelled at both of us. There was no talking, no calm-ness, no being adults; they were just yelling and yelling and yelling. Until her parents grow up, I will not let them see Mady on my watch. If Mady is with Brynn and they want to see Mady and Brynn lets them, then whatever. But if they get near our child with me around, i will just not allow it. Just one text from Brynn really got to me (I will "bleep" out the bad words). Here is a little context. I said that she didn't understand how i felt (this was after our phone conversation and nearing end of texting conversation); she texts, "Why would you think I don't understand? I have been *friggin* beat down by the people who are supposed to always love you - family. Why the *frick* would you think I don't know what its like to be not wanted by someone you desperately want to want you." Again, Brynn is not going on the right path, but there is a line LOVING parents should not cross, and not only are her parents crossing the line, they are trampling and spitting on that line. One of the first things they said to us when they found out about pregnancy was "how do you think this will make us look in church?" so incredibly self-centered parents.
This may sound weird, but I hate that I love(d) her so much. It just makes all of this so much worse
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