I am just sick of being replaced by...well...everything. I am replaced by friends, replaced by nails, random dinners, random outings, random workouts. I know this will happen, but can't she friggin wait until she is gone and until we are actually separated and divorced? This is beyond rude. This is friggin ridiculous. She wants freedom, then she can have her friggin freedom. But freedom comes at a price. This is no patriotic speech. She works out one day, then goes out another day, then has dinner with friends another day, then hangs with friends the next day, then works out the next day. So let me get this straight. I see her when I wake up to go to work. She is sleeping in the bed when I leave. That is it. Nothing else. I understand this has to happen, but at least have the common courtesy to wait and live your "freedom" when you are out. She sees mady a couple hours in the morning, and that is it. By the time she gets home and is done working and hanging out with all her immature and childish friends, mady is sleeping in bed. Parents are required to make sacrifices am i right? I know I am. How is it that I am making all the sacrifices. I want to go out, I want to hang with people from work when they invite me, i want to workout and have a life. But she is not making any sacrifices. She does what she wants. So I not only have the responsibility to stay home and be with my girl but i also have an obligation to do it. Don't get me wrong, i love being with my baby girl, but we all need a break every once in a while. If she is not going to help, then fine, let her do her little "i wanna be single and be 'free' and independent" things. Like, seriously? Are you serious right now? When are her and her friends ever going to friggin grow up?! This is driving me incredibly insane. I just want to cancel her phone, and kick her out and let her live that life of hers and never hear from her or talk to her again. But i can't do that no matter how much i want to. She is the mother of my child.
She says we are still friends. It did not work out so well last time. The more I was aware of her existence and doings, the more bitter and angry and sad I was. There were so many mixed feelings. There were/are times where I want to help her...so she can finally leave me and be independent. There are times when I start thinking about our past and just end up crying because I love(d) her so much and I do not want to throw that away. There are times where I never want to see her again. Is it not important for spouses to have respect for each other and their opinions? Why has my opinion never mattered to her? Why did she never ask me before she invited people over or before she made plans?
She says she has NEVER thought that we were right for each other. Then why the HELL did you use me like this? Why would you say you loved me when you really just couldn't leave because you couldn't afford it. This is no friggin joke. She said the only reason we are together is because she could not afford to live on her own. Wow. That makes me feel so good.
So now you have just a tiny peek inside my life....just a tiny one tho
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